In the 2004 comedy Mean Girls, the movie follows an insular and materialistic group of “popular” teenage girls—aptly named “the Plastics”—and its odd inclusion of a young lady who sought community and acceptance at her new school. As the actresses’ antics devolve into a predictable high school drama-fest, the movie itself offers a startling look into what can happen in toxic student communities.
These toxic communities may be funny when presented on the big screen, but their formation is especially troubling after recent events at a public high school in Wilmington, Delaware. A freshman was killed fighting over a boy with another female student, during which she was surrounded and assaulted in the girls' restroom.
The speaker was invited as part of the school’s “Fail Better” initiative, a week in which educators highlight the need to accept failure and misfired projects in pursuit of success, innovation, and a happy life. This year’s theme centered around resilience.
As Headteacher Lunnon told the Evening Standard:
“Of course they want to do well in exams and playing musical instruments but the thing that often is the big driver in years eight and nine are their friendships.
“We recognize that what you teach them about failure in academics is also relevant to the way they manage their social relationships. They are learning there will be disappointments as part of friendships and that’s okay.
“We found that it really helps them keep things in perspective and breaks down toxic cliquey gangs. They learn not to berate themselves or say something is irreconcilable.”
Educational speaker Emma Gleadhill—once a deputy head at the independent girls’ school—told the Daily Mail that teaching students about healthy relationship-building is vital, given the self-effacement that can occur to students in an effort to “fit in” with classmates, adding:
“I encourage young people to tune into their feelings of anxiety, frustration, their misgivings, and to use these to think about boundaries in their relationships: when and how to tell a friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend that something is not working for them in their relationship, how to give friends the chance to change, and when to walk away.
“Friendships can easily become enmeshed or tangled up in too much compromise. Teenagers in the thick of best friend or group life can slip into assumptions that friendship means sameness, and conflict is catastrophic.”
Should your school be considering a theme for future educational speakers, consider taking a leaf from Wimbledon High School’s book and teaching students of both genders how to “fail better”—and build healthy, beneficial relationships.
Additional ISM resources:
The Source for School Heads Vol. 13 No. 9 The Authenticity of Student Evaluations
The Source for Private School News Vol. 14 No. 9 Confronting a Student Gambling Problem of International Proportions
The Source for Division Heads Vol. 13 No. 7 Five Steps to Excellent Student Assemblies
Additional ISM resources for Gold Consortium members:
I&P Vol. 30 No. 1 The Symptoms of a Toxic Schedule—And the Remedy
I&P Vol. 40 No. 16 The Student-Centered Department
I&P Vol. 34 No. 8 The Student Culture Profile and Your Purpose and Outcome Statements
