Personal Pronouns: What They Are, and Why Your School Should Care About Them

Adolescence is one of the great equalizers in life. No matter your background or country of origin, everyone can relate to the storm of feelings circulating in maturing minds and bodies: uncertain, awkward, insecure, and confused. Forming a sense of self while trying to figure out where they fit within the greater community is a lot for a young person to juggle—but without being able to tell the world who they are, it’s impossible to find their place within it. One of the most basic forms of self-discovery is gender identification.

Gender and Culture

The concept of gender is part of the cultural landscape—from filling out a medical form to shopping for clothes. In many foreign languages, inanimate objects such as ships are assigned gender. Indeed, romance and Germanic languages assign gender to all nouns.

But the world is not a binary place. And as more and more tweens and teens become comfortable identifying themselves, schools must learn how to navigate this evolving landscape. One part of this is language: Using pronouns that align with a child’s identity.

While gender expression has been around for a long time, the advent of social media and changing cultural norms have brought it to the forefront. So while it may feel like a sudden shift to some, none of this is actually new. Gendered personal pronouns—also referred to as binary pronouns—are rooted in the traditional theory that selecting “M” or “F” are the only viable options. Giving someone the space to select a non-binary option can make all the difference—especially for a teenager.

What Does Non-Binary Mean?

Non-binary and transgender are not interchangable terms. When speaking about issues of gender, non-binary refers to an individual who does not feel like they belong in either an exclusively male or female category. Someone who is transgender has a gender identity that differs from their sex assigned at birth. Some teens may have felt they were transgender from a young age—even if they didn’t yet possess the language to talk about it. For other young adults, it is not until the onset of puberty that they begin to explore their individual notions of gender and consider their gender expression as fluid.

Best Practices for Schools

For school administrators and teachers, the concept of using non-binary pronouns may be confusing or overall complicated. Rather than viewing pronoun selection as a passing fad, try to understand how something as simple as “he/she/they” allows a student to feel seen and heard—a universal goal for educators.

• Normalize: The best thing a teacher can do in the classroom is to normalize pronoun usage as part of identity exploration. Consider sharing your own pronouns at the beginning of the year, sending a clear message to students that they, too, are safe to do so.
• Accept: Understanding that gender expression is fluid in adolescence means respecting students’ wishes and meeting them where they are—with the understanding that it may change.
• Listen: “They” was once an issue for teachers due to its traditional use as a plural word, but today it is widely accepted as a singular personal pronoun. Language surrounding gender changes quickly—listen to the words students are using among their peers. Follow their lead.
• Adjust: Shift to gender-neutral language whenever possible. Instead of making assumptions when referring to a specific student, use their name as opposed to a gendered pronoun. When addressing an entire class, try moving away from words like “guys” and switch to terms like “folks” or “people.”

Supporting Educators

Demands on teachers have increased exponentially over the last decade. Once upon a time, a teacher’s sole focus was academics. Today, they are expected to keep up-to-date on the latest technology, be ready to pivot to new educational delivery systems as they did during the pandemic, and be knowledgeable in all issues surrounding student life. Being pulled in so many different directions is overwhelming without the proper support.

Here’s what you can do now to support your educators.

• Provide resources for teachers/faculty/staff via professional development to learn about gender expression and pronoun usage.
• Educate your parents about gender expression and pronoun usage so they understand and support your school in fostering a safe and inclusive environment for students.
• Be patient. Let faculty know that it’s OK if they’re still playing “catch up” regarding non-binary pronouns and it’s OK to make a mistake.
• Lead by example. Modeling the use of personal pronouns to faculty, staff, and the greater academic community will identify your school as an inclusive learning space—and lend support to faculty.
• Commit to building a gender affirming school culture.
• Outline policies in the student handbook; include pronoun usage in Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) and Social Emotional Learning (SEL) programming.
• Incorporate an educational component in your student, faculty, and staff orientations.

The investment of time and resources will pay off in the long term—in both admission, recruitment, and retention.

Key Points

Self-awareness is a primary component in the healthy development of every adolescent. The journey into gender expression is a logical step for many tweens and teens.

Below are a few key takeaways when approaching pronoun usage on campus:

Do’s

• Respect individual identities through the use of preferred personal pronouns.
• Take a gender affirming stance in the classroom. Normalize it by sharing your own pronouns. Write out your preferred pronouns on the chalkboard or share them on the first day of school.
• Meet students where they are today and stay open.

Don’ts

• Avoid the topic of gender expression, even if it’s uncomfortable.
• Become overwhelmed—seek outside resources when needed.
• Expect perfection—self-correct and move on.
• Draw too much attention to pronoun usage. Treating it as a normal part of self-expression and a normal part of the classroom experience will destigmatize it.

Creating a comfortable space for students at school will help forge positive and productive relationships with students and their families.

For more information about personal pronouns, check out My Pronouns. If you’d like a more in-depth explanation, ISM can help you navigate Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Contact us today to learn more about our consulting services.