You walk into your monthly meeting, and your turn to speak arrives. You stand up in front of your fellow administrators to present your part of the agenda. As you take your seat, the School Head leans over to whisper, “I’m really sorry, but did you know your fly was down?”
Moments like this happen all the time, and our example is relatively tame. Instead of a zipper having fallen, it could’ve been oppressive body odor or poor work performance. These issues—personal and professional alike—should be addressed. As Business Manager, sometimes it falls to you to have these tough, awkward conversations. Such situations require tact, sympathy, and—occasionally—some tough love.
Personal Issues Impacting the Work Place
Former manager for a nonprofit organization and current career advice blogger at Ask a Manager Alison Green once answered a letter from a distraught manager on how to handle a tough conversation, albeit one more distressing than a simple wardrobe malfunction.
While her employee was absolutely fantastic at her job and generally a pleasant person to be around, she had a major body odor problem. It was severe enough to be affecting her relationship with fellow employees, who would dread the woman’s visit. The manager wanted to talk to her employee so the situation could be remedied, but was worried about the appropriateness of her involvement.
In her response, Alison said that since the issue was impacting her work and her relationships within the office, the manager was within her rights to talk to her odiferous employee. Further, she advised the manager to be “honest, direct, and as kind as possible,” saying something like:
“It’s awkward, and I hope I don’t offend you. You’ve had a noticeable odor lately. It might be a need to wash clothes more frequently or shower more, or it could be a medical problem. This is the kind of thing that people often don’t realize about themselves, so I wanted to bring it to your attention and ask you to see what you can do about it.”
Alison also reminds the manager that there could be reasons for her employee’s odor that are simply out of her control, like certain medical conditions, and to be mindful of those.
“Your job,” she tells the manager, “is simply to require her to come to work with appropriate dress and hygiene until/unless she tells you there’s a medical issue preventing that — just like you require people to come to work on time, not fall sleep at their desks, and other basic requirements of showing up ready to work.”
The manager wrote back to Alison several months later, saying that during her hard conversation with the employee, the woman thanked her for “having the courage” to address the situation. (Apparently other employees had been making comments that were “critical to the point of being cruel,” which was another great reason for the manager to nudge the employee to take care of the situation.)
So by having a kind conversation and offering support—not prying, just asking if “these problems were things she could correct”—the manager was able to help her employee overcome a seriously awkward situation for everyone involved.
Difficult Professional Conversations
Part of a mentoring relationship between administrators and staff and faculty requires having difficult heart-to-hearts to address work- or school-related performance issues early, before they become sticky situations. Sharyln Lauby, a Human Resources Consultant and writer of the HR Bartender blog, agrees, saying that if no one ever addresses the situation, how will the employee know that he or she must improve?
She offers an eight-step outline for such an awkward conversation, which we’ve paraphrased below.
- State your concern—don’t downplay the significance of the situation.
- Share your observations with the employee.
- Explain the impact of his/her work or attitude on the school community overall.
- Tell him/her what’s expected, and how that’s different from what he/she is currently doing.
- Ask him/her how he/she thinks the situation could be improved.
- Show him/her what happens if the situation does not improve.
- Set a follow-up date to talk about progress.
- Assure him/her that you have confidence that the situation can be improved—after all, if the staff or faculty member was irredeemable, you would simply fire the person!
Such a conversation rubric will need to be altered to fit every unique situation, of course, but it’s a decent place to start if you’re feeling lost or intimidated.
Awkward personal and professional conversations are—by their nature—difficult to have, but often vitally important to improve both the individual personally and the school as a whole. So the next time you steel yourself to have that conversation you’ve been putting off for so long, remember to take a deep breath, be kind, and keep in mind that the alternative—not saying anything at all—would be so much worse.
Additional ISM resources:
Textbook: Comprehensive Faculty Development: A Guide to Attract, Retain, Develop, Reward, and Inspire
ISM Monthly Update for Human Resources Vol. 10 No. 5 Constructive Conversations, Coaching, and Mentoring
ISM Monthly Update for School Heads Vol. 12 No. 2 Conversation as Evaluation
Additional ISM resources for Gold Consortium members:
I&P Vol. 37 No. 2 Comparing and Contrasting Evaluation Approaches
I&P Vol. 31 No. 4 Faculty and Support Staff: Mutual Respect and Support
